Autism Awareness ~ Rigidity

I've heard it said that people with autism love rules.  What they don't mention is that it's their rules they like.  Not necessarily yours.  If a rule doesn't make sense or he doesn't want to follow it, it's hard for Brother to do so.  

For a long time, we had to have lunch at exactly noon and dinner at exactly six.  If we got to the table a few minutes early, we'd have to sit there and wait until the clock struck 12 or 6.  He's become a bit more relaxed.  Part of that is because of his growing maturity and part of it is that we have such a varied evening schedule that the variation became his new norm.

He can still be really rigid about times.  He was invited to a birthday party a couple of weeks ago.  The mom was out and about so she called to say she'd pick him up.  She ran a few minutes late and it just about drove Brother crazy.  Even though I had told him it would be rude to ask why she was late, he did it anyway.  See?  His rules, not mine. 

I have to admit it that keeping me awake worried about his life as an adult.  What if he broke a law because he just felt that he didn't need to follow it?  I hope I can teach him well enough that that doesn't happen.  He usually has the best of intentions, but they don't turn out well at all.

We sit in the same pew every Sunday and during daily mass.  He needs that to feel comfort.  He also sits at the very end on the left.  He's better about not requiring the same pew if we are late, but he does have to sit on the very left of the family.  It works out as I need to sit somewhere int he middle with the kids and Honey will not sit next to strangers.  We end up arriving at church very, very early each Sunday.

I allow some of the things he requires because otherwise he feels anxious.  I have to gauge what he needs against how much it will disable him as he gets older.

Being a parent of an child with autism can be quite a balancing act.

   

Comments

[Melissa Wiley]

Wonderful post, KC. Gosh, I can relate. My son does not have autism--he is mentally retarded, so it's a whole different experience--but he has a strong tendency toward rigidity, so strong that at times it feels like the dominant force in our lives. :) I even consulted with an autism clinic about strategies for helping him be more adaptable. Slowly, as he gets older, we are seeing some improvement there. But he still gets agitated if there is a deviation from major routine, and God help you if you try to put your keys or phone in a new place! ;)

Thanks for writing this series of posts.

[Megan Hill]

I have been following your writing on Autism. I can relate to so much of what you write. I am eager to hear more!