The Cabbage Patch

Autism Awareness ~ A Social Primer

If you happen to meet a child/person with autism...it's okay.  They don't bite.  Usually.

Sometimes their conversation is odd.  Sometimes, they will talk about something endlessly.  Sometimes they don't understand personal space.   

But, guess what?  They can be redirected very easily.  Ask a question.  Most can answer the question.  Answer questions they may have.  Most teens with autism have been taught how to have a conversation.  They forget the rules sometimes, but can be sent back on track when they go "off topic".  They know that term.  They know to answer questions then to ask one right back.  Why?  How?  Their therapists work very hard with them to teach them social skills.

By the time an child with autism has it teen years, they're aware of their differences.  They just want to fit in.  So, help them along.  They know when you are lovingly helping them.  Use humor.  

What's not helpful?  Answering a question with yes or no and then turning away effectively ending the conversation before it even starts.  Rolling your eyes at them.  Muttering under your breath to "Go home".  Asking within hearing distance of a sibling "Why did you ask HIM?"  

Above all?  Remember the golden rule.

Autism Awareness ~ A Look Back

I was driving home this morning from our OT (Occupational Therapy) appointment this morning and thinking back to the day of diagnosis.

We were just coming off the high of learning of Pumpkin's pregnancy.  Just the day before, on Sunday, we had learned I was pregnant with her.  Such wonderful news for us.  

The appointment only took an hour, but what a life changing hour it was.

The previous 12 months had been fraught with questions.  Each appointment only brought questions, not answers.  One psychologist insisted on medicated for ADHD.  He also thought Brother had ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder).  We PCS'd so we sought answers elsewhere.  Upon learning about developmental pediatricians, I made an appointment almost immediately to get a referral.  In September of 2004, 2 months after arriving in Texas, we met with one.

He listened closely and carefully to everything I said.  He asked many questions all the while he observed Brother.

At the end?  High functioning autism.

It was bittersweet.  Relief at a name.  Relief that his behavior was not because of bad parenting.  Sadness.  Grief.  Fear.  Worry.  

Then, the planner in me got going.  What would we need to do?  We started at another therapy clinic, but I didn't like it there.  How can you treat children with autism when the appointments weren't even on the same day much less the same hour each week?  We got our referral changed to Kidz Therapeze.  I LOVE the therapists and staff at this clinic.  

It has been a long, hard road for all of us.  We had bumps along the way.  I've had regrets.  Regrets on how many times Brother got in trouble for something he had no control over.  I know many moms of children with autism feel this way.  I know as I've spoken to them.  

There's still more to go.  But, we're moving along.  It's not going as fast as he'd like, but he'll get there.  Where you ask?  Independent living.  

This was taken in 2010.

April is Autism Awareness Month

My son.

He gives me big hugs.

He is afraid to introduce himself to new people at youth group.

He remembers everyone's birthdays.

He struggles with creating the word pictures in his mind so he prefers nonfiction books.

He loves music.

He struggles with being a teen.  He wants to be like everyone else which is a teen thing anyway the struggle seems bigger for him.

He is loyal.

He gets thrown off when someone is seen out of context like seeing a therapist at a store.

He knows his faith so well.  He is an awesome altar server and never misses the bells for consecration and he rings them joyously.

He blames me for his loss of weight and slowing of his growth spurt.  He says it's because I've made all these appointments that stress him out.  

He plays baby dolls with his youngest sister.  

He wears a hoodie with pockets on cold days so I can warm my hands while he wraps his arms around me.  

He struggles to navigate a social world with so many unwritten rules of engagements.  A world where there are too many nuances for him to catch.  

This is my son.

This is the face of autism.

Autism Awareness ~ Miscellaneous Ramblings

Today is the last day of April.  I have lots of words but even more feelings locked up inside.  I don't know if they'll ever come out.

Adolescence is hard for my child.  It's hard for any child, but for someone who is developmentally 10 and yet physically is 13 going on 14, it's even harder.  

I homeschool for many reasons.  One of them is so my son won't get bullied.  His life is difficult enough without the added burden of being bullied.  He's just off enough that he'd get bullied.  I know it.  

But, even as a homeschool mom, I can't guarantee that he'll have friends.  

He's at the age where he really wants friends.  He wants that social interaction.  But, this is where he's weakest.  I'll have to say that the people who have known him for many years brace themselves for his brand of conversation.  I know they tend to brush him off.  I try not to hold it against them.

Baseball has been difficult because there are too many unknowns.  Unknowns are not easy for people with autism.  He has to be first when doing anything because first is a known.  Last is never a known because last can actually be 4th, 3rd, 6th, or any manner of number.  He doesn't know what position he'll be playing.  It's been hard for him to have to try all sorts of different positions.  He has his first game this Thursday at 7:45.  

Autism Awareness ~ Baseball Practice

I guess this isn't necessarily about autism awareness, but about what it's like to live with a child with autism.  

This week Ben is away in Washington DC for some briefings about the past deployment.  We were not too thrilled.  Anyway, because of that, baseball duty fell to me.

I arrived home after Kidz ballet (ballet class for special needs children that Sister volunteers for) and took him to baseball practice.  We were one of the first ones to arrive.  The coach gave us the game and practice schedule.  Brother has been worried sick about missing the first game.  The first game of the baseball season for this league is scheduled on the same day as my brother's wedding.  Brother is a groomsman.  He's had this on his schedule for two years.  But, the game had become more important.  Why?  He thought if he missed the first game, he wouldn't be playing in any of the games.  The schedule?  We have a bye.  YAY!!!  Thank you, God.  Truly, this was His handiwork.  

After a quick warmup and a run around the field (can I tell you how happy I am that he's not the last one to finish?), the coach divided the boys up.  Five to seven of them were brought to the pitchers mound while the others were sent off to work on fielding.  Brother was picked!!!  My heart was glad.  He wants to pitch.  He has worked so very hard the past year learning proper form and well, just learning how to pitch.

He still needs to work on learning fundamentals about things like base running.  But, he's doing well.  This is the first time he's ever been on a team.  This is the first time he's ever wanted to.  

And, you know where he got this interest in baseball?  He wanted to watch a non-girly show on Netflix.  The only thing he could find he would be allowed to watch that he was interested in?  A Cal Ripken, Jr.'s video about baseball.  

I'm proud of my boy.  And, me.  I didn't dissolve into a mass of nerves.  Much.

Autism Awareness ~ Trying New Things

Brother always shies away from new things.  If it's not familiar he won't do it.  He has gotten better.  Much, much better.  

Well, today, he's going out to do something new in a big way.  At age 13, he has decided he wants to play baseball.  He has NEVER played an organized sport.  I'm nervous for him.  Very, very nervous.  He is nervous.  But, I'm so proud of him.  He has worked very hard to learn to throw a baseball and to catch.  He worked hard on his own with his "come-backer net" while Ben was deployed.  

And, I'll have to admit that I'm worried about the social aspects.  This age is difficult.  I can only hope for kindness.  Okay, I'm a wreck, but I can't let my dear son know it.

Autism Awareness ~ The Numbers

U.S. kids and autism Overall:

• 1 in 88 U.S. kids have autism; up 78% from 2002 
•  Total: Estimated 1,000,000 children with autism 
•  Boys: 1 in 54; up 82% from 2002 
•  Girls: 1 in 252; up 63% from 2002 
•  Non-Hispanic white children: 1 in 83; up 70% from 2002 
•  Non-Hispanic black children: 1 in 98; up 91% from 2002 
•  Hispanic children: 1 in 127; up 110% from 2002

Source: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

The Face of Autism

My son is 13.  

He likes to recite facts incessantly.  

His voice is changing.  He likes it.  

He's growing and is an inch taller than I.

His mental age and his emotional age is around 10.  I'm not worried.  He'll catch up.

Baseball has become his newest obsession fascination.

He needs to be exposed to as many experiences as possible so he can refer to them to properly react.  His mind will need to be like a database.  He doesn't understand social clues so he'll need to add to his database so he can pull the proper responses out of his hard drive aka his brain.

He still cries when he gets upset.  It still breaks my heart to see those tears roll out of his eyes.

He plays house with his 6 year old sister.  How many 13 year olds would do that?

He acts like a teenager sometimes.

He will still hold his mother's hand while walking in the parking lot.  His hand is bigger than mine.  

He will also sit in his mother's lap still.  I can only handle that for a few minutes.

My son has autism.  

This is the face of autism.  And, I love him.

April is Autism Awareness Month.  

Autism Awareness ~ My Goals

My goal for my son?  For him to be an independent adult.  I'm not expecting him to be a doctor.  I'm not expecting him to be a teacher.  And, once again, this is the face of autism.  Don't you just love him?

Autism Awareness ~ The Face of Autism