The Cabbage Patch

One Year

One year.  That's how much time has passed since Erin passed away.  We are in Houston to help distract Patrick.  I don't know if we did much good.  He was cranky but I understood.  

I think back on the past year and remember bits and pieces.

I remember the drive to Houston the night I heard about Erin.  The notifications that came through via my iPhone from all the people on Facebook who were praying for her.

I remember praying fervently for Erin.  I prayed more that weekend than ever.  I prayed the rosary and the Divine Mercy chaplet over and over and over.  I remember feeling comforted that the hospital was a Catholic one.  I felt comforted that I could go to the chapel.  Over that Saturday night, I went to Erin's room and prayed the Divine Mercy chaplet.  I prayed it unceasingly along with the rosary at her final hour.  It gave me comfort.  And, I hope it helped her.   

I remember the staff of the ICU.  They were so compassionate and wonderful in taking care of Erin and Patrick.  They didn't forget the spouse.  There was also an orderly who brought me a pillow and blanket when he saw me curled up in a chair trying to keep warm in that coldly air conditioned waiting room.  

I remember all the support I received from my local friends and all the wonderful people I have met online.  

I remember the heated words between siblings.  And, the breaking down of yours truly when it all became too much after the heated words.  Plus the apology from the heart.  

I remember the flurry of activity as we planned a funeral for someone whose life was too short. 

My children remember the phone call from me to Ben.  They remember the tears.  They remember the sadness.  They remember an aunt whom they loved with all their heart in the way of children.  They miss her keenly.

We miss you, Erin Kennedy Cho.  

We are having a mass said for Erin on Wednesday at 9am central time.  Please pray with us.

 

Happy Birthday, Erin. We Miss You.

 

Yarn Along ~ Back in the Saddle Edition

I'm working on leg warmers for my ballerinas.  I'm using 9 inch circulars instead of dpns because the thought of knitting stockinette stitch on dpns for many, many inches was too much for me to contemplate.  It's going well.  I needed to finish a few other projects before I could really work on this.  I've only got about 6 inches knit on right now.  I'm using Cascade 220 Superwash in pink (number 894).

I've only just started the book.  I inherited the Nook from Erin.  I pray for Erin as often as possible but most especially when I have the Nook in my hands.  

Check out more book and project ideas at Ginny. 

Now What?

The funeral service was beautiful.  It was very comforting.  I went into the chapel before anyone else had arrived and had my breakdown then.  So many thoughtful people had sent beautiful flowers.  Erin sat in the midst of all that beauty and it just broke my heart.  

My friend Cecelia made up some pink bows and some pink ribbon pins for me.  The girls all wore them in their aunt's honor for pink was her favorite color.  I wore a bow as well and most of my family wore a pin.  

Patrick held up well considering what the event was.  He made it to the gathering to hear Erin's best friend give the eulogy.  

But, now what?  Get back to life?  As if nothing had gone wrong?  It seems like we have to but I'm having trouble.  I can only imagine how Patrick and her parents feel.  

It brings to the forefront that even though there are people in my life who are not always involved in my day to day life, I need to make an effort to connect.  I will always regret not connecting enough with Erin.  As I was driving down to Houston the last time with my mom, my sister, and future sister-in-law, I found out that my future sister-in-law loves coffee.  Why didn't I know that?  I've known her for over 2 years.  I should know that.  

So, what happens next?  I will go on.  I will continue on the best way that I can supporting Patrick and as much as I can, Erin's parents.  I will get to know better my family and friends.

But, it will be slow.  We are all slow to get back to the new normal for the old normal is no more.

Thursday Thoughts

Last Thursday night, I sat down to start the post for 7 Quick Takes Friday.  I had just uploaded the picture when my phone rang.  It was my dad.  He started with, "I have some bad news."  I was worried, but not too terribly until he said the words, "Erin is in the hospital."  Then I knew something was terribly wrong.  

I drove down to Houston shortly after.  It's a really dark drive to Houston from here.  My brother and brother-in-law were driving in from Austin while my parents were coming in from Round Rock.  We arrived within 30 minutes of each other.  My first view of Erin was heart wrenching but I cannot imagine what Patrick was feeling.  We spent the night at the hospital waiting for her parents to arrive.  They must've been so frantic.

I write this not to spill the beans about Patrick's business but to get it off my shoulders.  I've felt so sad and this is my place to do this.  I need to do this.  I hope he understands.

It's hard to believe it's been a week.  Today we spent time running errands and making final decisions for the memorial service.  The service will take place at Ramsey Funeral Home in Georgetown, TX on Saturday at 3pm.  

I debated with myself and discussed it with Ben.  The girls will be going to ballet that day.  We'll leave from the studio.  The curtains will be open Saturday.  I'm hoping that by watching the girls dance on Saturday that the rest of the day won't be too painful.  I'm hoping to keep occupied.  And, most importantly, I hope to make things as normal as possible for my oldest daughter who feels this loss so keenly and to have my son occupied so he doesn't fret.  He couldn't bear to see Patrick today.  It makes him too terribly sad.  Saturday will be hard on him as well, but I'm hoping to minimize the anxiety in the morning by keeping him occupied going back and forth from the studio.

We will need prayers.  Lots and lots of them.