The Cabbage Patch

Cancer, Social Media, and Miscellaneous Thoughts

So we had a bit of a scare this Tuesday.  Remember when I said I wasn't feeling well?  Well, it all came to a head on Tuesday.  I was out grocery shopping when all of a sudden I started to feel really horrible.  My heart was racing (111 bpm) and I could feel something was not right.  I finished, went home and checked my blood pressure.  It was high.  So, I called the nurse and went off to the ER.  Ugh.  Can I tell you how awful the ER can be?  Especially the military one?  Apparently Tuesdays are busy days.  I waited for over 4 hours to get into a room.  I thought heart, the PA was more worried about my lungs.  Turns out the symptoms I have been having are indicative of blood clots in the lungs.  Who knew?  I didn't.  Anyway, I had to have a CT with contrast on my lungs (yuck).  Turned out my lungs are fine.  My heart is fine.  I have not idea why all of this happened.  

I have several takeaways from this.  One is that there has to be a better way for me to get care when I feel crappy like this than getting sent to the ER.  I don't know if that means I have to move my care off post (military post) to a civilian hospital or not.  Second one is that the PA needed to learn how to run things with a cancer patient.  He never asked my staging and didn't see it in my records.  He saw my lung CT results and thought he needed to break it to me that my cancer had spread.  My girls were with me.  He came in all glum and started to ask questions that made me think things were BAD.  He also needed to ask if my girls needed to leave the room.  I think he thought we were a little nuts when we were relieved that's all he wanted to say.  

Social media...I've been off for a bit and it's interesting.  I read more. My phone battery lasts all day.  LOL.  Anyway, here's my takeaway from my absence from social media.  I miss my friends.  I miss seeing what everyone's up to.  Homeschool mom life can be lonely.  And, without the constant ballet I don't see adult friends often.  BUT!  I've enjoyed being off social media and plan to come back soon.  When?  Probably in October.  I'll change my habits a bit.  I will try to not be on it so often.  And, I'm going to be very intentional about what I post.  I'm in the midst of a wonderful study through Take Up and Read.  It's made me examine the role of social media in my life and how I use it.  I don't always use it for the greater good which is to always glorify God.  I don't mean go out there and evangelize all the time but I do mean to act with kindness and charity.  To not be petty.  For instance, (I'm going to expose myself), I would post stories on my Instagram at various times of the day and check to see if certain people looked at it.  Then, I'd get all riled up that they did.  I was trying to catch them in the act of looking to see what I was doing.  Why?  I had removed them as followers because they were no longer friends either in real life or on other social media.  But once I noticed them checking my stories which required them to go straight to my profile, I kept working to "catch them in the act".  For what purpose?  So, I'm going to post for myself and only for myself.  I'm going to make sure my social media is a place of positivity my word for now and through 2020.  I am human, y'all.  There have been a lot of people in the past year who have hurt me and I have lashed out.  Forgive me.  

I'm a bit discombobulated today.  It's been a long week.  I was so out of it this morning that I walked out for spin class in my workout leggings but forgot to change out of my pajama top.  I didn't even notice until I got in the van.  Y'all, my younger two girls didn't even ask me why I still had my pajama top on.  I guess I'm just that out of it that they think it's normal.  I'm babysitting my younger nieces tomorrow into Saturday.  I'm looking forward to it.  They're super adorable.  I'm still working to expunge all the toxins from the CT and the PET scan.  I'm tired.  

It's time to start thinking about Christmas gifts and cards.  Sigh.  How did it get to be this late in the year?  

 

Saturday Summary II

Cancer Summary:

This Wednesday I have a PET scan.  I'm super tired and just not feeling well.  I haven't been in months but this past week has been particularly brutal.  Prayers would be appreciated.  

Travel Summary:

I LOVE to travel.  We still have one more road trip ahead of us as a family.  I'm headed to Port Aransas sometime in October with my online/IRL (in real life) homeschool friends.  Then 2020!  In March, Ben and I are headed to France.  He was supposed to go with his cousins John but then John's wife is going so I'm going.  We are turning this into our honeymoon/25th anniversary trip (we will celebrate 25 in October).  Four days in Normandy and 3.5 days in Paris.  

General Summary:

Not much else is going on here.  We are keeping busy with school, appointments and church.  I hope y'all are having a good week.  

Saturday Summary

School summary:

The girls are off and running with school. Michaela is in her freshman year of college at the local community college.  She will transfer (hopefully) to Texas A&M next year into the Dance Science program in the Kinesiology Department.  Her goal is to become a physical therapist specializing in dancers and athletes.  Emma is a junior in high school.  She is taking a dual credit math class and is doing well.  Jordan is a freshman in high school.  I don't know how this much time has passed and I only have 2 students left in our homeschool.  All told, this is my 16th year of homeschooling.

This was taken in Boston before we headed to the Museum of Fine Arts.

Ballet Summary:

Jordan continues to take classes.  The drive isn't too arduous even though I do get tired.  The three of them also take private lessons with a former Ballet Magnificat dancer.  She was Michaela's leader in her dance in the spring show when she was 4.  It's a nice close to the circle and I love it.  

Jordan at Boston Ballet Summer Intensive.

Cancer Summary:

I had a followup appointment this week.  I have periods where I see my oncologist every 3 weeks.  I won't see her again until after my next PET scan which will be sometime next month.  My treatment regimen stays the same with Lupron and Faslodex injections, Zometa infusion, and Kisqali orally.  For the past six months or so, I've had pain in my heel.  I hadn't wanted to deal with it, but I finally asked my oncologist about it and whether she thought it was medication related.  She didn't think so.  She suggested I get in with a podiatrist so I called and made an appointment with my primary care physician.  It turns out I have calcification of my Achilles tendon.  It hurts almost all the time when I first stand up and walk.  It doesn't always hurt a lot when I am walking but I also think I've compensated without knowing it.  I'm on some more meds (yay) to help with pain and discomfort and to decrease the inflammation.  I have an appointment with a podiatrist in a week and the doctor put in a referral for physical therapy.  

This is one of the best cakes I've ever tasted.  It's a gluten free one from a bakery called Flour Bakery in the Boston area.

Final Summary:

It's been an interesting week being off social media.  I feel disconnected from all my friends and it's a bit lonely but I've read a lot and am feeling peace.  I'm by no means completely at peace, but am getting there.  I needed to disconnect.  I've prayed quite a bit for y'all.  I miss hearing about what's going on in your lives.  Drop me a line via Facebook messenger or my email which is [email protected].  My love to y'all.  Have a great rest of the weekend.

Life Story

I have several places online where my life story is told.  They're all in bits and pieces and for the most part not well written.  Writing is not my forte and never has been.  Give me a good old math problem to solve and I'm happiest.  

I am an open book.  On Facebook, I put out most of my business.  It's quick and easy.  And, (I'm about to get morbid and sad) I know I won't be around for a lot of time.  I'm hoping and praying for many, many years but you know, metastatic cancer.  Anyway, I have hopes that in the future when I am gone, my children will look at memories from Facebook and smile at them.  Even the bad ones.  I hope they see the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful that was our lives together.  I hope they remember them and know "wow, it sucked during that time, but man, we sure came out stronger".  Or, "wow, we had such a good time then".  I hate that my openness has allowed people to steal some of the peace I had been feeling.  I trusted that people who I thought were friends would be able to keep my stuff to themselves.  Turns out I was wrong.  I went and restricted any and everyone except for a couple of people who might know me in real life and know the people who have given me grief this past year.  

I don't write this to make anyone sad.  Don't be!  Life is good.  Not yet very peaceful but man, it's good.  

I'm going to take a break from social media.  For now.  I don't know how long.  I just know that I need to take a break.  It's hard because it's my go to whenever I'm waiting somewhere and I do a LOT of waiting.  Know that I'm praying for you and will probably update via this blog.  I hope.  

And, because I always like to add photos to my blog, here's one: