Today is Halloween but it's also the last day of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. There's not a lot I can say except I wanted to reflect on my journey. I'm doing as well as can be physically. I've always had a very strong immune system and it's really helped keep me healthy except for what's going on inside. There's an insane battle going on inside.
I don't look sick. I actually still have a lot of energy and I can get a lot accomplished. Except. Yeah, except I tire more easily. I am always tired to be honest. Just completely tired from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. The side effects from all the different medications can be pretty hard. My brain fog is pretty frustrating and sometimes amusing. I nap a lot or sometimes just lay in bed.
Like I mentioned before, the prognosis is not very optimistic, but I have hope for many more years. I pray for many more years. I'm not afraid to die. That's not it. What I am afraid of is leaving my children. I want to be around for them. I want to be 80 years old and see my grandchildren grow up. I want to see the kind of adults my children become. I know they'll be such amazing people. I wonder about the kind of people they marry and the relationships they have together as adults. I have an amazing list of women to mentor my girls when I'm gone. I'm so very blessed to have so many awesome and varied women to help them.
I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I pray every day for many more years. I actually beg for them. These are my real raw thoughts on the grimness of my prognosis. I don't very often dwell on them. I can't. Life is too precious to worry about it. I choose to live fully and enjoy life fully.
The Spanish Steps in Rome. I miss Italy.
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