In the whirlwind of events that surrounded my cancer diagnosis, I didn't know how long I would live. Things were very uncertain. If anyone has ever googled the prognosis of stage IV metastatic breast cancer, you would know it's not fantastic. I choose very deliberately not to dwell on it. Occasionally, I do reflect on what it all means. This is one of those moments.
Tomorrow, I turn 50. I am privileged to celebrate my 50th birthday. Perspective is everything, isn't it? I would never have had this mindset BC (Before Cancer). I probably would've been lamenting this getting old business. Facing one's mortality allows me to dwell on how mindfully I want to live my life. I choose to live as fully as I can. I do things I would normally not have done BC. I said yes to an Italy competition for my daughters. I said yes to France with Ben. I said yes to spending so many moments with my children. I have a trip to take eventually with my son to Europe.
Living with cancer comes with its challenges as well. I often wonder if I will be there for my children's weddings. Oh, I so want to be. I want to meet my grandchildren. I don't know how long I have here. I know that no one does. I do know that my family is pretty long lived and I would most likely have lived to my 70s. I'm pretty healthy despite my cancer although the treatments can wear me down. I have a knot the size of Texas on my hips from the shots I receive monthly. Despite all of that I am blessed. I am loved.
God willing I will see many more birthdays.