So we had a bit of a scare this Tuesday. Remember when I said I wasn't feeling well? Well, it all came to a head on Tuesday. I was out grocery shopping when all of a sudden I started to feel really horrible. My heart was racing (111 bpm) and I could feel something was not right. I finished, went home and checked my blood pressure. It was high. So, I called the nurse and went off to the ER. Ugh. Can I tell you how awful the ER can be? Especially the military one? Apparently Tuesdays are busy days. I waited for over 4 hours to get into a room. I thought heart, the PA was more worried about my lungs. Turns out the symptoms I have been having are indicative of blood clots in the lungs. Who knew? I didn't. Anyway, I had to have a CT with contrast on my lungs (yuck). Turned out my lungs are fine. My heart is fine. I have not idea why all of this happened.
I have several takeaways from this. One is that there has to be a better way for me to get care when I feel crappy like this than getting sent to the ER. I don't know if that means I have to move my care off post (military post) to a civilian hospital or not. Second one is that the PA needed to learn how to run things with a cancer patient. He never asked my staging and didn't see it in my records. He saw my lung CT results and thought he needed to break it to me that my cancer had spread. My girls were with me. He came in all glum and started to ask questions that made me think things were BAD. He also needed to ask if my girls needed to leave the room. I think he thought we were a little nuts when we were relieved that's all he wanted to say.
Social media...I've been off for a bit and it's interesting. I read more. My phone battery lasts all day. LOL. Anyway, here's my takeaway from my absence from social media. I miss my friends. I miss seeing what everyone's up to. Homeschool mom life can be lonely. And, without the constant ballet I don't see adult friends often. BUT! I've enjoyed being off social media and plan to come back soon. When? Probably in October. I'll change my habits a bit. I will try to not be on it so often. And, I'm going to be very intentional about what I post. I'm in the midst of a wonderful study through Take Up and Read. It's made me examine the role of social media in my life and how I use it. I don't always use it for the greater good which is to always glorify God. I don't mean go out there and evangelize all the time but I do mean to act with kindness and charity. To not be petty. For instance, (I'm going to expose myself), I would post stories on my Instagram at various times of the day and check to see if certain people looked at it. Then, I'd get all riled up that they did. I was trying to catch them in the act of looking to see what I was doing. Why? I had removed them as followers because they were no longer friends either in real life or on other social media. But once I noticed them checking my stories which required them to go straight to my profile, I kept working to "catch them in the act". For what purpose? So, I'm going to post for myself and only for myself. I'm going to make sure my social media is a place of positivity my word for now and through 2020. I am human, y'all. There have been a lot of people in the past year who have hurt me and I have lashed out. Forgive me.
I'm a bit discombobulated today. It's been a long week. I was so out of it this morning that I walked out for spin class in my workout leggings but forgot to change out of my pajama top. I didn't even notice until I got in the van. Y'all, my younger two girls didn't even ask me why I still had my pajama top on. I guess I'm just that out of it that they think it's normal. I'm babysitting my younger nieces tomorrow into Saturday. I'm looking forward to it. They're super adorable. I'm still working to expunge all the toxins from the CT and the PET scan. I'm tired.
It's time to start thinking about Christmas gifts and cards. Sigh. How did it get to be this late in the year?